Communication is a critically important necessity between partners. The ability to feel safe and comfortable with one another should be the central focus. Become aware of what your partner likes and what they do not like. Create a foundation and platform for speaking your deepest truths to one another. Ask questions, pay attention, accept, learn and grow together. Stay in a place of mutuality and reciprocity. Communicate!
For me, this is about wanting to know as much as one can about what relaxes and makes the person you are with feel 100 percent loved and comfortable with you. It’s about pleasure between partners who see eachother respectfully and share this, and the many other, dimension(s) of themselves.
When your partner is allowing herself to open her body to you and to share in this experience together from a place of love, support, passion and trust, it becomes a deeply satisfying, and some might say spiritual, experience.
- “For [erotically intelligent couples], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning. They know that they have years in which to deepen their connection, to experiment, to regress, and even to fail. They see their relationship as something alive and ongoing, not a fait accompli. It’s a story that they are writing together, one with many chapters, and neither partner knows how it will end. There’s always a place they haven’t gone yet, always something about the other still to be discovered.” Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic + the Domestic
- “It is only when we are clear about who we are, that we can truly deepened in relationship and take on the hot desires, and willful sex that is needed for long term relationship to make it through the years. Remember, we change over time. Who we were erotically when we entered our love relationships may have shifted.” Pamela Madsen, Five Tips For Passionate Long Term Relationships
- “Trust and communication are a vital part of relationship maintenance and that’s doubly true here. Introducing kink into a relationship requires that you and your partner have strong communication skills and a firm foundation of trust and mutual respect. While ideally you wouldn’t be in a relationship with a person you couldn’t be open with, many people have a difficult time opening up to their partner about their desires and fantasies.” Dr. NerdLove, How To Introduce Kink Into Your Relationship