“If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one’s feelings by controlling one’s thoughts – or by changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place.” Albert Ellis, Rational Psychotherapy and Individual Psychology
“Too many people are unaware that it is not outer events or circumstances that will create happiness; rather, it is our perception of events and of ourselves that will create, or uncreate, positive emotions.” Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
“The expense of making yourself panicked, enraged, and self-pitying is enormous. In time and money lost. In needless effort spent. In uncalled-for mental anguish. In sabotaging others’ happiness. In foolishly frittering away potential joy during the one life—yes, the one life—you’ll probably ever have.” Albert Ellis, How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything – Yes, Anything!
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You don’t blame them on your mother, the evolved, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny” Albert Ellis
“In fact most of what we call anxiety is overconcern about what someone thinks of you.” Albert Ellis
“Worry itself is one of the most painful conditions.” Albert Ellis
“The great majority of the things we now make ourselves panicked about are self-created ‘dangers’ that exist almost entirely in our own imaginations.” Albert Ellis
“Convince yourself that worrying about many situations will make them worse rather than improve them.” Albert Ellis
“Worrying about dying will hardly help you live.” Albert Ellis
“There are three main types of anxieties: ego anxiety (performance anxiety, desire for love and approval, fears of failure, etc.) discomfort anxiety (just world fallacy anxieties — anxieties provoked by the ego anxieties not being met) anxiety about anxiety (hopelessness, helplessness, getting stuck in self-perpetuating cycles of anxiety, feeling like because you might have failed at some thing, that you always will fail)
And then, coping mechanisms, all based on his theories about rationality:
-realize the difference between the anxieties
-change your semantics (i.e.: I need to be loved -> I really want to be loved, but I won’t die if I’m not)
-allow (or even make yourself) think about the possibilities of the negative. kind of a reverse visualizations therapy — imagine the failures, the worst possible outcomes, and repeat this until you can see that it really isn’t end-of-the-world stuff. it’s uncomfortable, but it’s actually much “easier” to survive the real discomfort of traumas, failures, etc than it is to survive the anxieties about those traumas and failures
-allow yourself to mentally experiment with the idea of shame, in the same way as the previous.
-realize that we are not what we do and that there is no rating system for humans. we can do something and fail but that doesn’t make us essential failures.
-humor — this one is more implied than outright, but basically give yourself the mental distance to see humor even in your failings and shame” Reddit User