The Grafenberg Spot – Communicate, Ask Questions, Pay Attention, Accept, Learn and Grow Together

Communication is a critically important necessity between partners. The ability to feel safe and comfortable with one another should be the central focus. Become aware of what your partner likes and what they do not like. Create a foundation and platform for speaking your deepest truths to one another. Ask questions, pay attention, accept, learn and grow together. Stay in a place of mutuality and reciprocity. Communicate!

The message behind this post is about much more than stimulating the g spot. To me, it is about wanting to know as much as one can about what relaxes and makes the person you are with feel 100 percent loved and comfortable with you. It’s about pleasure between partners who see eachother respectfully and share this, and the many other, dimension(s) of themselves.

When your partner is allowing herself to open her body to you and to share in this experience together from a place of love, support, passion and trust, it becomes a deeply satisfying, and some might say spiritual, experience.

  1. “Female sexual pleasure, rightly understood, is not just about sexuality, or just about pleasure. It serves, also, as a medium of female self-knowledge and hopefulness; female creativity and courage; female focus and initiative; female bliss and transcendence; and as medium of a sensibility that feels very much like freedom. To understand the vagina properly is to realize that it is not only coextensive with the female brain, but is also, essentially, part of the female soul.” Naomi Wolf
  2. “This biological, evolutionary connection for women of possible ecstasy to emotional security has implications that cannot be overstressed. Relaxing allows for female arousal.
    Just as being valued and relaxed can heighten female sexual response, “bad stress” can dramatically interfere with all of women’s sexual processes.
    “Bad stress,” researchers have now abundantly confirmed, has exactly the same kind of negative effect on female arousal and on the vagina itself. When a woman feels threatened or unsafe, the sympathetic nervous system — the parasympathetic nervous system’s partner in the ANS — kicks in. This system regulates the “fight or flight” response: as adrenaline and catecholamines are released in the brain, nonessential systems such as digestion and, yes, sexual response, close down; circulation constricts, because the heart needs all the blood available to help the body run or fight; and the message to the body is “get me out of here.” Based on [research insights], we now know that threatening environment — which can include even vague verbal threats centered on the vagina or dismissive language about the vagina — can close down female sexual response.” Naomi Wolf
  3. “Sex starts with your relationship with your own body. For me personally, (and for the majority of women that I work with), I had to learn who I was erotically. That was pretty vulnerable work and took time. I also think it’s an evolving practice and I’m still doing it. It has involved me taking many different paths to my own self discovery.” Pamela Madsen
  4. “Another key component of sexual experience is the autonomic nervous system (ANS) — the puppeteer of arousal, controlling all smooth muscle contractions and affecting the body’s response beyond conscious control. It encompasses both the sympathetic and parasympathetic divisions, and ensures they work in unison. Because arousal precedes orgasm, the ANS first needs to do its own work before the complex pelvic neural network can work its own magic.” Maria Popova, The Science of Stress, Orgasm and Creativity: How the Brain and the Vagina Conspire in Consciousness
Stimulation of the female penis (not the G-spot, which does not exist) with finger in vagina can produce orgasms in all women if the partner also moves the hand (from Puppo, 2011a, 2014
Image: Stimulation of the female penis (not the G-spot, which does not exist) with finger in vagina can produce orgasms in all women if the partner also moves the hand, Puppo, 2011a, 2014
Captain Thunder 1930
Image: Captain Thunder (1930)

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