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“The second guiding strategy is the woman is encouraged to develop her “sexual voice” so that she can request the type and sequence of touching and erotic scenarios that promote her sexual receptivity and responsivity. So much of female sexuality is in reaction to the male’s sexual initiatives. “Foreplay” is to get the woman ready for intercourse, it is the man who decides when to transition to intercourse. Female sexuality is more variable and complex than male sexuality. This does not mean better or worse, just different. Women appreciate the concept of “nondemanding pleasuring rather than “foreplay.” Pleasuring recognizes the importance of touching for its own sake, inside and outside the bedroom, nongenital and genital touch, and that not all touching leads to intercourse. The woman’s “sexual voice” means that her sensual and erotic feelings and needs are as important as the man’s. She can proceed at her pace rather than the sexual scenario being driven by the man’s erection and needs. Especially important is the recognition that sensuality is the underpinning of sexual response. Pleasuring involves mutual give and take, not his “working on her.” She can decide when and how to transition from pleasuring to eroticism and when to transition to intercourse. Also, she decides whether she wants to give or receive multiple stimulation during intercourse.” John H. Harvey, The Handbook of Sexuality in Close Relationships: Strategies and Techniques for Female Sexual Dysfunction

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Image: Lauri Blank Artwork

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